someone please..something wrong somewhere is happening!

i dont know how to start...but i guess this problem never leaves me alone. i have travel far from my comfort zone and i know i have to be ready to face all these..there was a point of where i felt so weak that i couldnt even stand..i know it shouldnt be that way..i have to be a man..i tried to gather all my strengths.. but with what? of course as a Muslim we were tought that our prayer is our weapon and so i did..& then again i thought of someone that i can rely least talking about this bad feeling..let it all out so it wont burdening me more from the inside..

others wont have any idea of how every morning i wake up with pain in my heart that causes me to feel week in my nerves and muscles...i dont ask for it..i did try to forget everything & sometimes it works..

A friend...yes a friend will always be the one that i can talk to..i realize of how many people are actually do care & concern on me..but it gets me becoming selfish & by the moment i realize that i start to avoid them....& as usual ill be the one who'll be mistaken for doing that..i wish i could scream my feelings out and make them understand...

But there's always at least one friend that is always be there least lending his ear just to listen...i wish i wont be wrong about this..a guarantee that i can talk to them anytime is really making me gaining back my strength..being here in the place where you always be mistaken for the way you talk, act or living your culture  is really making me cant be smart enough neither you cant act a little stupid to make them comfort when they are with stuck in the middle...& im afraid that one day my final decision is to quit from what i am doing now or back to my own place where at least i know there are few people who understand me better....

...Ya Allah please make me strong to keep holding on :'(


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