..it has been sometimes..so many years~

..wow, it has been so many years..and i dont even realize how times are passing by..while im busy doing this & that and keeping myself busy..its all because of too many things happened and most of them are heart thorn-ed and really brought me down..it felt hurts and some event succeeded to make me lost while the best part is always how i was being deceptive to my surroundings...yeahh it feels really hurt and paint to always crying alone..but those smile & laugh from others made me at least able to wipe the tears and feels lighter in the heart...sigghhh..this is not an expression of hurt feeling! it is so natural of me..ever since i was little kid and those occurances that happened to me had shaped me of who i am today..

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...im clueless..sometimes i feel like im standing at the point of nowhere..im in the middle of i dont even know what's going on to me..those chasing past are keeps following me no matter how i hide and how i try to avoid them...threatening me with humiliation , sarcasm and failure vision that im so afraid to even accept who was i before and the most important who am i today!

Ya Allah, to HIM i always tell the truth and for HIM also i always cry my heart out..i believe this is my faith and destiny...to be here...and to please others...

...sharing some stories with a few friends today made me realize that it wasn't me alone who went through all that craps..i almost drop my tears to hear what they went through..what so amazed me and inspired me is how successful they acts like they were nothing at all...turned back to the corner of the Surau i cried as much as i could...sorry i am no tough guy and i'd rather cry...it satisfied me a bit..i prayed to Allah to give me and them a strength to go on and a courage to face this cruel world..besides i gotta be strong to make others stronger...

life will never be the same after this, besides my obligation to Allah and responsibilities to others that im taking care, i myself is going for a big changes in my life...my heart feels lighter and i was braved enough to make on that decision..and through all that..i realize someone is stealing my heart...somehow im still doubting my feeling but looking at her always makes me calm..YA Allah this test will never end..after letting go someone that i liked so much and then come another ...im still looking for the signs to be brave..who knows what will be the next story of my love life?

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