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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

..it has been sometimes..so many years~

..wow, it has been so many years..and i dont even realize how times are passing by..while im busy doing this & that and keeping myself busy..its all because of too many things happened and most of them are heart thorn-ed and really brought me down..it felt hurts and some event succeeded to make me lost while the best part is always how i was being deceptive to my surroundings...yeahh it feels really hurt and paint to always crying alone..but those smile & laugh from others made me at least able to wipe the tears and feels lighter in the heart...sigghhh..this is not an expression of hurt feeling! it is so natural of me..ever since i was little kid and those occurances that happened to me had shaped me of who i am today..

....

...im clueless..sometimes i feel like im standing at the point of nowhere..im in the middle of i dont even know what's going on to me..those chasing past are keeps following me no matter how i hide and how i try to avoid them...threatening me with humiliation , sarcasm and failure vision that im so afraid to even accept who was i before and the most important who am i today!

Ya Allah, to HIM i always tell the truth and for HIM also i always cry my heart out..i believe this is my faith and destiny...to be here...and to please others...

...sharing some stories with a few friends today made me realize that it wasn't me alone who went through all that craps..i almost drop my tears to hear what they went through..what so amazed me and inspired me is how successful they acts like they were nothing at all...turned back to the corner of the Surau i cried as much as i could...sorry i am no tough guy and i'd rather cry...it satisfied me a bit..i prayed to Allah to give me and them a strength to go on and a courage to face this cruel world..besides i gotta be strong to make others stronger...

life will never be the same after this, besides my obligation to Allah and responsibilities to others that im taking care, i myself is going for a big changes in my life...my heart feels lighter and i was braved enough to make on that decision..and through all that..i realize someone is stealing my heart...somehow im still doubting my feeling but looking at her always makes me calm..YA Allah this test will never end..after letting go someone that i liked so much and then come another ...im still looking for the signs to be brave..who knows what will be the next story of my love life?

Monday, March 19, 2012

...The reason & the promise...

..phewwww..after so long i have not writing anything on this blog just because i lost my faith and spirit..& then lately someone inspiring me to start again..Alhamdulillah..errr actually i did writing & it has been published in a website of www.iluvislam.com..ohhh yeahhh..Alhamdulillah..but as this blog is also my diary, so i gain my strength back, gathering my faith and calling back my spirit..its all started because of the story of a boy whom i know from an exhibition~..there was one about education fair! & who expect that he came at last, i was already thought that he would never come as i assumed that he was the same like others..& then 1 fine day when he came and mentioned to see me, that was the day.He asked to see me with mentioning the staff my name in a weird way; my shortform ~MHK! okay i said no one did that before..that was weird i guess..so i succeed to get him in the college..& i didnt take any attention as i assumed that he was the same like the rest until one day he added me in FB..okay, lets give it a try i said to myself..oh ya..before i forget, previously i was so down that i didnt know what to do next in my life. I planned to quit, to just let myself drifted away until that several occurances that made me try harder to stay longer...then only this boy come walk in to my life..after knowing a little about his life i started to feel guilty as i was the one who recruited him...then one night i started to chat on FB whereby most of my friend know that I DONT DO CHAT! hahah.. i just dont know..it was like an unknown forces came to me and made me do the things that i always refuse to do..subhanallah...iaksed him of why he didnt join us to the picnic as i was invited by some students..& he ought to be there also..then the story goes...knowing the story of his life made me respecting him even more, inspiring him and taking him as a life lesson..he even made my tears dropped! no doubt that he is one of the answer of my prayer to Allah ..there was once i asked Allah to give me signs if i need to stay longer at 'that' place or should i walkaway...& im still thinking that this boy could be one of the answer among other signs...he came & needed help even if he never told me so..it comes honestly and truthfully from my heart..night by night we get to know each other and found out a lot of common in our interest..although im still waiting for my dreams BUT this REASON that came to me wont be neglected anymore..the world will no more a cruel & lonely place for him & the rest..& i give him the promise to keep..it will be our bounding..i promise to myself to work for better and be the best for myself and guide him to achieve his dreams..even if one day i wont be there beside him & the rest anymore...insyaAllah...Alhamdulillah...may Allah grand me with rewards of jannah..Ameen....