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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

..The truth about routine~

...some people may think that i have issue with even my own life, & others may think that its okay for me to think so..but the real feeling is always depend on who is living in his or her own life...and so ...i would always say that each time i step out from my bedroom (the safest and coziest place on earth so far...) i really feel like stepping out to the really challenge and more trouble journey that i have to face with no other option i can choose! i need to ring the alarm in my head and begin to say wake up and these are all reality..a very inconvenience truth..what so sad and frustrated is when there is sometimes when i feel so down and hopeless but there are no place for me to rely on..at least a place that i can hide my problem which later can conceal my weakness.. its the same situation when a man always being told to not to cry but still a man is an ordinary human and sometimes need to cry..so go ahead and cry somewhere that no people can see..im very sure that no matter how tough you are but still there's sometime when you feel really delicate and almost breakdown inside... i always say to my younger sister that tough guy don't cry, but i have to admit that i am no tough guy...tears are the expression of what burdening in the heart, a relief after for so long keeping the emotion like a hard and ice cold form which later melt into a a liquid that make us warm and comfort..i guess that's why it's warm...my heart cant hold up and keep a lot more matter especially the sad and painful ..i already have a reserved space for my bitter past..and i cant make it gone...cant erase them either..so again the only thing i can do is to make a door over that full space, lock it and keep a sign of no trespassing..and over now my heart almost full of it..and im afraid that one day i will close the whole space in my heart~