...Raya preparation~???? make up then break up the 'setting'!

...6 more days to go to our big day..soon enough Raya will come & it's like im being forced to do all the chores routinely..annually..but hey, no compromise because everyone does it on Raya Celebration..ok, so i have to start now..fortunately i have my 'assistance' and we did it haha..setting up the new set of curtain frame was a troublesome as this was the new thing in my life..modern day's curtain is really weird but convenience in a way..
talking about Raya celebration, i could never escape from thinking about relationship. doesn't matter with family or friends..they say ,Raya time would be the best time to make up or even to start a fresh beginning..i would have to agree on that...but i ruined something even before Raya!
i just couldn't figure it out what's wrong with my relationship around me..ok so i made up with my family,but then another friendship is about to break up ...or should i say had broken up! people that i used to adore and care a lot ,came up & tested my patience? i mean what did they want from it??? at first place they came out of nowhere after missing in my life for such a long time...so i had to move on without their supports..but until last week they showed up and made things tangled up, started to say that i had change, I'm not who i used to be & telling me about how i made them upset...and i was blamed for all the messed up...a few questions lingered in my mind when these happened...why would they never ask me what was my problem? or maybe they could have asked me if they could lend their ears, or maybe shoulders for all tragedy that i had been going through ALONE??? and as usual i kept silence on my own...because if i keep searching for those questions to be answered i might break more heart..hurting more feeling...i just cant figure these out ...is it fair to me...??i said nothing..i didn't know how to react....and just pray things will be better on its own...& in the end the matter of who's to be blamed and the reason of why these things happen will arise..creating a maze, leaving me with headache and even hurting me from the inside..as they always say..'“Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute'..and i did that...rather than keep saying wrong things and making more mistakes i kept silence...and only speak to certain people...here in this workplace i try harder to not telling 'them' that i am now being here...& while waiting for the next best thing to happen i pray a lot to Allah to send me away far from these problems..because i believe when i start my new 'career' soon (errrr..i always believe in this..yeahh rite!), it will locate me away from my hometown and i don't really care about that..why do i have to stay back here when most people don't even know how to appreciate me?


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