..in my heart, in my mind and through my eyes~

...there are so many things to say..sometimes i feel like want to speak them out..screaming and let these things flow out to make my heart and mind clearer and lighter...but i just can never do that...even if i do ,they will always take it for wrong.. misunderstand & throw them back at me as if they were all my mistake..i admit it sometime..maybe what's happening to me up till this moment are the consequences of my past...yeahh..i can never leave them behind..cause it will always remind me who was i, what did i do and the most important is what can i do to rectify things back to perfect~ perfect? i dont think so...i wont be perfect..but i can seek things that can make me at least cover up my flaw..because i always believe human can never be perfect! between perfect and imperfect, i guess i am closer to imperfect..well, again who am i to judge even myself..so through the eyes of others at least i got to know how perfect i am..or i should say how fit i am in this chaotic life....
...what's in my heart and mind only me and HIM who know it..but like people always say that eyes are the window through our self..so they claim that they can predict and even know me through the look of the eye...how far do you believe that? most people say that if you wanna catch a liar look straight in their eye when we are talking to them, and they are busted if they try to avoid your stare when you talk to them...but how can you be sure if when you look at their eyes and still they can even stare back at yours? steadily and normal?..deep in my heart, there's a part of me which will never ever telling lies...
there's a part of me when being with you is real and honest..i just dont want to express it...so if you ever ask and have doubt on what do i feel on our friendship, please never be worry because a real part of myself even if it just a little ...always want to stay with you..it's just i can't say it out loud..i did before and that hurted me and left me the scars..every looks ,gestures, expressions and words are real..even if i say it in a laugh as if im joking but theres always a little truth...and that little truth is still counted if you want the truth..well, i never ask you to trust me..but please have at least a little faith in me...i never want to betray the relationship...i never want to lose a friend..& what's more important i never want to be your burden for my past will haunting you as well just because you always stay by my side...and all these are the reason why i walked off from your life ...believe me,i may never walk beside you anymore but my pray and remembrance are walking with you always ,no matter wherever you are..peace~

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